this is not for mr. hedgewitch (behind my eyes)

"Behind my eyes" is a song without music.


The story in my eyes, that my lies cannot hide, I've rearranged the words and thought, Lord knows I've tried.
But the story can't be rewritten or edited for me, my past has made my future, it will be what it will be.
But no one knows my story, with my oh I'm doing fine, when I know inside me, that's only in my mind.
When I say I'm 0k, that's what you want to hear, but behind these old blue eyes, I shed a silent tear.
The story in my eyes that my lies can not hide, is someone who has scars that can not be healed, the trauma in my life, cuts my soul just like a knife, yet I laugh on the outside.
Look deep into my eyes and you might realize just how hurt and vulnerable I am. Everytime you raise your voice, you leave me with not a single choice,but to lie that it doesn't hurt my heart.
The story in my eyes, that my lies can not hide is one of shielding my own soul.
The story used to be so nice, but now I can suffice, that, that is a long time gone.
People change, and so did I, maybe that's why I cry and thats the lies I can not hide.
I try to hold it deep inside but some can see behind my eyes,and that makes me feel sad, because they see the life I never had.
And my story will stay hidden in my eyes.

(serious thought process) The crossroads

Why does it feel like I have come to a crossroad in my life, almost 50 and not knowing which direction to go, by now i should know my way around, with my vagabond teen years, sleeping wherever my head dropped, to becoming a mother and settling down. Now the babes are grown and I'm standing here at the crossroad, waiting, contemplating which way to go before the devil catches up with me. Which way do I go? Left, right, straight ahead or backwards? Can't go backwards, even though I'd do it all over again, Lynyrd skynyrd, steve miller, backpack on my back, just discovering the world, nope, can't go back there. Wish I could it was fun. Then mommy to my 4 babies and any other kid who needed a mom at that moment, I had a purpose then, to guide, to teach, and to hope they learned from my life, and I did the best I could, always having extra blankets and pillows and a hot meal and shower for anyone who needed one. You see, a house filled with kids reminded me of those happy days at the commune and youth and freedom and the feeling of being indestructional. Now that's gone, I'm vulnerable and lost and I stand here alone, am I an inventor, a poet, a storyteller, a leader, a councilar or is my destiny waiting here at the crossroads? All the freedom in the world and having no idea what to do with it. I reinvented myself as Mrs. Hedgewitch to begin a busniess, but who am I really? I am a almost 50 year old woman who doesn't know where to go with whats left of her life, I beat cancer, survived spine surgery, and lived through my dangerous past so I'm here for something, but what? I wish there were signs at the crossroad to guide me and help me make a decision on were to go from here, but there isn't. So I guess I just do iny, miny, miney, moe and go in that direction and see where it takes me, I just wish I had a pair of ruby slippers that I could click, to get back if I don't like it there. Wish me luck, on my new adventure called "life void of children". I hope the cosmos got my back on this one, and when it's your turn at the crossroads of your life, look up first, say a little prayer and put your one foot forward and go. See you there. Till it's time for coffee in the garden, Blessed Be! Elli

Mrs.Hedgewitches dilemna assignment if your interested

Your assignment if you choose to take it is: Take a good look at your bathroom, not the yucky stuff even though you must deal with it, but something you really like. write back and tell me , what is your favorite thing. Maybe that beautiful picture or flowers or perfume bottle will give you the gumshun to tackle the yucky stuff, how much more wonderful that room will be. If you want my scrubbing recipe just ask.

Mrs. Hedgewitches dilemna

Good monday morning from the garden. It is pouring rain here in Edison and the ground is all mushy with lots of puddles, and that is exactly how I feel. A head filled with bubbles and puddles. Why may you ask?, because todays rant is about soap suds. Why do people think you must have suds to get things clean,think about it when you take a bath theres always some bubbles stuck at the drain or on the walls why so you thing they call it soap scum? It's the same with your clothes, the residue gets stuck in the fibers and dulls and actually ruins your clothes. So why would anyone think it would clean their clothes better? In your home things get dirty especially the bathroom, ring around the tub, and soap scum and in baths with no fan mildew, well i do have a soulution for the mildew but its stinky, 10 parts water to 1 part bleach in a spray bottle, spray on mildew, get around where the tub meets the wall now, and let sit over night then rinse. Don't forget to open a window a crack for ventilation. That's mildew.Now for soap scum, household vineger and water work best, same process as for mildew, spray, sit and rinse, but do equal parts. If you have a old tub they take a beating, to get it at its shiney best, I recommend Bar keeper cleanser or I could give you my formula on a different rant,and I promise i will. Bar keepers can be bought at the store and is gentle on the hands and tough on grime.

So dear friends here's my dilemna: scented or unscented? Unscented is my plain old basic soap powder, but scented is a little different here's whats in it: cold compressed soap, lavender oil, vitamin E, rosemary extract, coconut oil, and olive oil, now its cured in the powder and takes longer to make, you would think with all the oil it would stain but I assure you it does not, I've already made a experiment to find that out and it works just as good but has a faint scent to it, to much scent clashes with peoples perfumes and makes them smell awful. Thats where I need your help, see I'm getting you involved if you like it or not! How many 60 load bags thats 60 tablespoons, do you think I should start with, the people that get their powder from me want that "like grandma used to make" smell. And it does take a longer amount of time to make. personally I like mine straight up. Scented or unscented both are dye, additives, preservative, color free but the scented does have one extract so it has fragrance, but all the oils are pure. Now for my personal news, my moms ok, if my brother would stop being a jerk it would be better for her, Nicks not feeling good, wonder why? And my knees are hurting me something awful, no stairs for me today. This pouring rain can't be helping much that's for sure.

The garden is cookin' and jumpin'

Wondering what that headline means? Well no talk of soap today because I'm not working, don't feel like it is all. I was up at 8:oo am and washed the floor, yes, on my hands and knees, then you can get in the places mops can't. Yikes!, I'm turning into my mother for cripes sake. On a lighter note I wish you were here, Can you smell that aroma? I am making four cheese bread to go with my veal parmesan for supper tonight. Dinner,supper what is the real diference, hell if I know. Anyway here I sit in my pjs writing down what I'm going to put in this blog and sucking in the calmness of the house. Mike has gone to church, he plays handbells at what the locals call the little white church, really a united methodist church where I taught sunday school for 17 years, most of those years were high school kids I was in my glory. Even though we are pagan now, he still plays bells at 17 years old and enjoys it very much, I still have close friends there who so graciously allow him to play even though we are no longer members. Nick and his buddy had a long night if you know what I mean, and they are still asleep. I bet they have whopper headaches when they get up. ha-ha! As I sit in my little kitchen, I'm enjoying my music, which by the way is not considered my generations. I love Bread (not the kind you eat.),Three dog night, moody blues, along with the Beatles, beach boys, Gene Pitman and the grateful dead, Iron butterfly and Black sabbath (only with ozzy). There's this one ballad that's kinda old by Ray Peterson called "Tell Laura I love her" that makes me cry horribly but I listen to it over and over. Go figure. Listen to it on youtube. See,I told you I was eccentric. I really don't know why I like that kind of music I guess it's because I have fond memories of sitting on my moms basement stairs, listening to my brother and his buddies try to harmonize, hey, ya know they were pretty good! And if by some fluke of nature my brother is reading this, I know you won't speak to me and we have no relationship, but I want you to know your still my big brother and I love you very much. So my friends I feel so happy today that there will be no rant. Just love, peace and rock and roll! As I dance around my kitchen with the smell of fresh bread rising, even got a slow dance from my lovin' honey, Tell me how much better can it get? Enjoy life, embrace today!

Mrs. Hedgewitches chemically induced rant in the garden.

Welcome, today my friends i had a wonderful lady come visit me. I told her about my new adventures in the garden. She expressed that her brother was very allergic to soaps and such, while having problems finding things he could use. I told her he should try my washing powder, and I gave her a sample to try. We had a wonderful chat and when she went home I got busy in the workroom lovingly making samples and hand writing labels.While i was doing this, the good lady got me thinking,...SO, Don't you want to know what my issue is today? Well, I am going to tell you anyway. There are many people who are sensitive to all sorts of things. My laundry product is all natural and I hardly think it would cause a allergic reaction. ( good plug huh?) All those new fangled powders, liquids, and NOW you can dry clean your clothes at home! I worked at a laundromat slash dry cleaners a long time ago, when i was much younger, and boy, let me tell you it stunk in the back where they did the dry cleaning and why? may you ask? the chemicals they use to clean the clothes of course.So what kinds of chemicals are in that do it yourself home kit? ewwwww.
Now don't get me wrong I still have to go to the grocery store, I don't own a cow. But I do make a hellva loaf of bread, right Erin? anyway I still have to go, even with those nasty fluoresent lights,and don't get me on a rant about how unhealthy they are, please. Now at the store I see shelves and shelves of chemically improved products. Did you know some laundry detergents have caustic ingredients? What is that doing to your clothes? Some of these improved products make me cringe. I used to love trying new products, till I was diagnosed with aluminum poisoning and had to check everything I bought to use on myself and eat, even some toothpaste has aluminum in it. Wow! Did I wake up. So my friends, your assignment is to read the ingredients of something you bought, how much do you understand? How many additives and colors, dyes and preservatives are in it?
Let's get back to basics! Eat healthy, live healthy, think healthy! Till my next update(oh, by the way Bob, if your reading this your sample will be in the mail.) or my next need to rant, blessed be! from the garden and Mrs. Hedgewitch

soap and spirituality

Hello and merry meet,
This soap making has brought about a kind of peace to my spirituality,I feel closer to nature and working hard isn't bad if it brings forth something good you have done, even if it is soap powder.
Let me start off by saying I'm a very spiritual person, that's why I chose to become a nondenominational minister, I went to school to become a spiritual councilor and guide.So who i am is a great factor in my life, I am also a pagan, my bones, skin and heretic heart all belong to the elements and the god and goddess, that's not only who we are and what we believe but it keeps me intune with myself and the earth. Please don't judge me for who I am, i am perfectly happy and wouldn't hurt a fly, it's against our beliefs our motto is "Harm none". So now you know a little more about me, I'd like to say our lifestyle is mainly about balance, sure we beleive in other things but without balance the world would be in chaos, I think thats the problem today in our culture, our politics, how we raise our children and our everyday hussle bussle of not noticing. There must be balance so we all don't fall on our faces from being to much to one side of the see-saw of life. Today just for today find a little balance, be it in meditation, playing with our children or just putting todays troubles to the back burner to appreciate what we have, look around you, find your balance. For everything good there has to be something bad or annoying or whatever or we wouldn't know what good was, how boring. How much more beautiful good is, when something goes just right. Take the bad with the good and sit and watch a sunset or raindrops on the window, or falling snow and say how glorious that i can be here to see this. honor and respect all things and they will show you wonders.
Gotta get back to that soap, keep it clean, Hee,hee, see you in the garden.

soap and spirituality

Let me report the soap making is wonderful even got the boys to help, that's a miracle in itself. My workshop smells fantastic and a pound is made getting prepped for sample packs, litlle clear bags with purple ribbon and of course instructions,I'm giving out enough for one load thats a tablespoon each bag, free detergent whats not to like?

A good day at the garden

Hello everyone who has come to visit me in the garden,
It is a very good day here, the workshop is complete and ready to start production of my famous washing powder. Before I just did it as a hobby but now I have decided after my last blog about the low quality detergents and cleaning products they sell at the store, I decided to make the change, and will be giving my friends and neighbors a little gift of pure simplicity. I hope my grandma will be proud of me wherever she may be now that she's gone. I will keep you posted on what is available to the public once I get going. Now here is the subject of the day: Why is it that people see a mental disability as some sort of plague, I myself am bipolar and I can't tell you how many people have shunned me for that reason, even my own brother thinks I'm just crazy and won't even try to understand the disease but you know what's funny?, he's got the signs too. I am a normal, productive, trustworthy, kind, loving person who because of a disability, just like any other, is being looked at diferently. So, here's to all my bipolar friends out there, tell the world, "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." That higher power up there made us diferent for a reason to learn from each other and to love all our brothers and sister of this earth, regardless of disability, race, creed, religion or lifestyle that is our mission.
Till we meet again in the garden, blessed be.

bad days happen to good people too

Well my friends today is a terrible day, you see I had back surgery in october and still the pain persists, I get dicouraged because i made so much progress and then boom down i go. Take the basement for example decided on paint (It's 57 year old cinderblock) and was working on the stair rail wall putting up a sign that said self service, because its hard for me to do stairs and down the wall was suppose to be bubbles, cute huh? Well everything has come to a stand still because I can't get out of bed the pains so great so I'll finish my laundry room adventure another day, enjoy the nature around you, take nothing for granted, and tell those you care for you love them. Food for thought: notice something you take for granted everyday, the bushes in front of your house, wind chimes, the sky, the music on the radio.Think about who you were and who you are now, remember those care free days then:
write a note about it or a poem even if you just realize you noticed it, smile it's a small pleasure that sometime we forget. See you tomorrow in the garden.

Hello from the garden

I think people try too hard, life to me is simplicity, with so much technology and making more money then the next guy, people make it hard to enjoy life, just life. The sky, the grass, a flower or a smile from a stranger who passes by. Companies and tv commercials tell us what to buy and how it's a better product than the other and we beleive them, I'm starting over, trying to block out what they say and do as I choose. I make my own products that are safer and work better than anything they have to offer me, I cook my own dinners for my family, and take pride in my little brick house that sits on my half an acre of land. I don't need a gigantor house with my neighbor so close that i could shake their hand out the window. I sit in my kitchen with it's red walls with all my 45 records hanging up, even a couple vinyls too. It has pink and brown polka dot curtains with red accents,weird I know, but i love it! It's a 50s throw back that so many people are trying to get rid of, I even have a pink 1957 chevy poster i got at the party store hanging, so my persona is eccentric. So what? Life is good we should enjoy it. I'm trying very hard to get back to my grandma's way of life, to hell with the convienants, keep it simple and wonderful, take time to do something yourself instead of relying on brand labels and take out food, I promise you, you will be proud of what you can do. I'm choosing to turn my little brick house green, as in doing things the old fashion way. If you want to try to make your own laundry soap, give Mrs. Hedgewitch a holler and together we can live life the way it should be lived, to it's fullest. That's all for now, meet you in the garden.

Who is this Mrs. Hedgewitch?

Hello Everyone, This is Mrs. Hedgewitch, I am a mother of four and a grandmama of two, I love nature and all that surrounds me, that's why I chose to call this my garden. You see there are all sorts of gardens, this one is where all natural reigns, where seeds can be planted to get new ideas, where thoughts are harvested to bring forth something good, and where digging around in the garden of your mind ,might find you quite a surprise. I will blog about my family, my farm (backyard) and my love for things made naturally, like my soap powder for your clothes, my spirituality, and my wiccan life. I hope you will visit me and sit and enjoy my garden.

Welcome to my world of wonder,sit back enjoy!